Used to

When to the sessions of sweet

Silent thought, I summon up

Remembrance of things past, I sigh

The lack of many a thing I sought.

— Shakespeare

The world is full of people who used to. Oh, when you see them they regale you with tales of how they used to do this and how they used to do that. They glorify their past and try to relive what they used to do by speaking glowingly about it.

I find it a tad annoying, but also sad, bordering on pitiful. There used to be a guy in New York who used to walk up and down the sidewalk, throwing jabs, left hooks, right crosses and upper cuts, bobbing and weaving, feinting and skipping, worthy of boxer Muhammad Ali. As he put on this pugilistic performance perfectly, he'd mutter the words, “He's a bum, he's a bum.”

I discovered that he was once a boxer and got beaten by a guy who was supposed to have less boxing skills than he did…basically a bum. Yes, boxers who aren't any good are called bums in USA boxing circles.

Well, apparently this guy never got over that loss, and combined with being punch drunk, lost his mind and ended up pounding the pavement aimlessly muttering to himself, “He's a bum, he's a bum,” reminiscent of Marlon Brando in the movie On the Waterfront, when he said, “I could have been a contender, I could have been somebody.”

I saw that man many years ago, but I'll always remember him, all washed up, but reliving his past days of glory, if only in his mind, of what he used to be. That was an abject lesson for me, used to, which is what I'll be reflecting on today, right after these responses to 'Unholy ulterior motives'.

Hi Tony,

I think it's quite clear what the ulterior motives are of both the aged guy and with the young woman. She wants to be taken care of by the sugar daddy, while he wants the arm candy, affection, intimacy and young, tight sex. She's a willing participant who hopes to sex him to death with the hope of ending up with all his worldly possessions. There are ulterior motives all over the place, unholy and otherwise.

Carol

Hey Tony,

The truth is, all ulterior motives are unholy as they smack of deception. It's like a magician using sleight of hand to trick people, or a three card man who shows you one card but switches it for another — bait and switch — give you a six for a nine. Sadly, we all at one point have ulterior motives, even if we are holy. It's simply a means to an end and a way to get what we want.

Peter

Sometimes, this 'used to' thing is hard to get used to. For example, I'm told that I used to be handsome, good-looking, attractive. This is often expressed when people see old photographs of me and say, “Wow, Teerob, you used to be so handsome.” Used to be, what a crushing indictment on my looks, for in my mind I still think that I cut a dash, but alas, that's only in my mind.

Look at my picture and judge for yourself. Is that the mug of a man who used to be handsome, or still is? When I sulk, they qualify it by saying, “No man, you're still handsome, but you looked so young then, that's what I meant.” Yeah right, I feel better now. The damage has been done, and I am bruised.

For this reason many people, especially women, do not show old photographs of themselves to other people. Back in the day she was drop dead gorgeous, a fox, pretty like cook food, a vivacious vixen, but sadly that's how she used to be.

At times they used to be slim, and in their minds they still are, based on the clothes that they attempt to squeeze into. Nothing is worse than seeing someone dressed in clothes that are not age-appropriate. There she is, pushing 70, but still wearing strapless, backless blouses and impy skimpy shorts.

“Good lord lady, you think that you're still 17?” Enter the man with the humongous paunch who still insists on wearing body-hugging T-shirts with no sleeves. “He used to go to the gym a lot many years ago.”

What's sad though, is when people used to have a big position in society but now have lost their lofty station in life. No longer Mr CEO, but more like Mr Used To Be. At least the army offers the dignity of having officers retain their rank, long after they have been discharged.

“That's Major Brown,” or, “That's Captain Smith, show him respect.” Even if they had no such lofty rank, they're always referred to as soljie. That's a way of maintaining the past and not being referred to as, 'He used to be a soldier.” Old soldiers never die, nor do they fade away.

It's when the used to gets physical that it often becomes absurd or even dangerous. There are guys who will walk into a karate class and declare that they used to train years ago.

“Oh, I used to train with Mr Lyn, and if I hadn't stopped I'd be a black belt by now.”

But put him to spar with a 15-year-old student and watch as he gets the crap kicked out of him. Like I said, used to can be dangerous.

What's equally dangerous is when they're used to in the sex department. You know that I'd get there eventually. Used to sex can not only be dangerous, but fatal. There are so many men who used to be ladies men, jumping from one woman to another, flashing their whips like Lash Larue of old-time cowboy comics fame.

These studs could service the mares frequently and be like the energiser bunny as they hop and hop all night. They used to. But now, as one man told me, “If I'm lucky I can hop once for the night, and one more the next morning.” At least he admitted his reality, even as he reflected on what he used to do in his youth.

Even Shakespeare referred to this when he said, “You cannot call it love, for at your age, the heyday in the blood is tame.” Oh boy, when he was young he used to 'make hay while the sun shines', as the saying goes, but now his grass is green, slow to make hay.

The danger lies in the enhancers meant to speed up the haymaking process, but caveat emptor, buyer beware. If you put too much additives in an old car engine and try to rev it too hard, it gwine to mash up. Sadly I have lost about four friends who went this route, passed away during intercourse, sexual relations, congress, because they tried to do what they used to do, but tried using additives and stimulants that they shouldn't have used.

It was George Bernard Shaw who said, “Youth is wasted on the young.” Ah, If I knew then, what I know now. What used to be should remain in the past. But still, these men continued to act as if they were still village rams, only to pay the ultimate price.

This applies to women too, for many of them used to be sexy sirens, insatiable, irresistible felines who loved to indulge in prurient pleasures when they were young. They used to and they were sought after. Now, they join church or that part of their body joins church, and they join the congregation of the used to.

“I remember that hot sexy girl that you married and how you always said she couldn't get enough.”

“She used to be but all that done now, I live on dry dock.”

Used to can be sad, people used to be affectionate, active, playful, loving, sexy. But it was Shakespeare who penned, “For you and I have passed our dancing days.”

People used to have money, but act as if they still do. People used to be somebody but act as if they still run the company. It's not who you used to be, but who you are now. The trick is, do not dwell on the past, but embrace your present and enjoy the moment. Carpe diem, seize the moment, embrace the day.

Do not have a sad reflection on who you used to be or what you once had. It sounds corny and cliché, but no one cares what or who you used to be. It's who you are now that really matters. “What's gone and what's past help, should be past grief,” said Shakespeare.

More time.

seido1yard@gail.com

Footnote: Well, our elections have come and gone and we now look to new challenges, the biggest being controlling this cursed coronavirus. I have experienced many elections and was fortunate to have worked with various prime ministers during my many years at the Jamaica Information Service television department as a producer/ director. What has always impressed me was our vibrant democracy and our electoral process. This election was no exception and went smoothly and seamlessly, albeit with some minor hiccups. Kudos to the Electoral Office of Jamaica for handling the proceedings so professionally and effectively. We must not take these things for granted. Thankfully and mercifully the election violence of days gone by are no more.